There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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