im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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