Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't think brook has ever known best
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
