happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
