This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
