Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
