But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
