I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
