This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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