hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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