Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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