If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
