Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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