Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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