I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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