Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)