Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex

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  (760): genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex http://tfl.nu/ckcw
  Replies (33) Good night (3416) Bad night (1479)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

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  (303): there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame' http://tfl.nu/7sje
  Replies (8) Good night (4057) Bad night (913)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay

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  (508): Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay http://tfl.nu/rfq4
  Replies (44) Good night (1299) Bad night (8469)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.

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  (213): Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans. http://tfl.nu/11hu
  Replies (14) Good night (6110) Bad night (1672)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think the doormans mad at me

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...

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  (630): i think the doormans mad at me (773): well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while... http://tfl.nu/017x
  Replies (12) Good night (1256) Bad night (2496)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.

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  (309): I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard. http://tfl.nu/r907
  Replies (4) Good night (2857) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning

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  (908): I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning http://tfl.nu/qz06
  Replies (5) Good night (3305) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..

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  (815): It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar.. http://tfl.nu/fcka
  Replies (0) Good night (1327) Bad night (723)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.

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  (250): Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team. http://tfl.nu/f49a
  Replies (1) Good night (718) Bad night (1577)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.

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  (701): I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this. http://tfl.nu/2wr9
  Replies (1) Good night (1486) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.

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  (314): Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/ibp9
  Replies (17) Good night (3217) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.

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  (832): I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway. http://tfl.nu/6mtf
  Replies (2) Good night (378) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."

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  (914): Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover." http://tfl.nu/wk3b
  Replies (4) Good night (680) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.

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  (+33): I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to. http://tfl.nu/izf5
  Replies (2) Good night (419) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.

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  (818): I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish. http://tfl.nu/82ma
  Replies (3) Good night (368) Bad night (687)

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