Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
