My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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