Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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