can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!