Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
