tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
