I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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