according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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