4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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