Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
