Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
