I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
