Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
