I've blown a few things in my day
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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