sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
