Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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