you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
