Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
