life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
