New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
