She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish my penis had a tongue
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
