Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
