She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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