I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
