i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
