I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
