I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
