if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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