I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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