So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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