I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
