sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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