I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
