Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
