I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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