i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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