and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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