1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
