i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
