I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
