just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My ATM looks so different sober.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
