My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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