i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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