why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
