i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
