it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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