I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
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You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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