dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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