I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
