oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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