yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize