i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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