Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
