that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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